What your lawyer won't tell you

Lawyers, indeed. If I'd found candivorce.ca before I hired a lawyer I'd be in a much better place. Now don't get me wrong, I have a friend who's a lawyer. A couple of friends, as a matter of fact. I should have called them first before I contacted a lawyer - not only because they know me, but because they have honourable values that, apparently, most lawyers don't possess.

Nobody cares about your case as much as you do. Especially your lawyer.
What you don't ask, your lawyer probably won't tell you.

Your lawyer has lots of clients and their first interest is their own wallet. My lawyer didn't tell me; my husband's lawyer didn't tell him: if you've been separated for a year or more, divorce in Canada is a mail box away (almost). Just like Colin says. Why?

Money, of course. Your money in the lawyer's pocket. If they told you that, you wouldn't be their client.

And there's more about money. Your lawyer will ask you for a retainer. What they won't tell you is they're going to charge you for every email you send, every phone call you make, every time. When you stop to think about it, it's not really unreasonable. Dealing with clients is how they make their money. What's unreasonable is that they don't tell you this up front. But it gets worse.

I went into this divorce thinking my lawyer would have my best interests at heart. I thought my lawyer would ensure that I understood the process as well as my rights and options. Well, that was a foolish idea. My lawyer didn't seem to think that was very important and she wasn't particularly interested in communicating with me. When she did communicate she was very condescending.

So I started surfing the web, looking for more information. That was the start of taking my own power back and that's when I found candivorce.ca. I wasn't sure whether or not I should trust what Colin presented on the web, so I decided to call him to see what kind of vibe I'd get.

We talked, and Colin told me a couple of things that stuck. (Actually, he's since taught me a lot more, but I'll just mention these for now). He told me that lawyers don't make good therapists: their fees are much higher and they don't have the training! Well, duh. But when you're in a hyper-anxious state sometimes you need to be reminded of the obvious.

And he told me another story about lawyers and money. He told me my lawyer would soon be asking for another retainer. After talking with him I decided I had nothing to lose but $200 and it seemed like a reasonable risk. I could pay another 2 grand to my lawyer or use Colin's site. I decided to fire my lawyer and use Colin's site. And sure enough, I've watched my husband's lawyer and Colin was right about the ongoing retainers. And none of it was necessary. We could have done this without a lawyer for about $600.

What I've learned and would like to share with others: you give away your power when you hire a lawyer. Unless your situation is very complicated you don't need a lawyer for a simple divorce. Passing responsibility to my lawyer did nothing to improve my understanding of the process or reduce my anxiety. It's not easy. But at least I don't have the anxiety of going into debt another $10,000 and at the rate we're going that's what I estimate it's going to cost my x before we're finished.